Many of us grow up with subconscious expectations of what romance should be. We force our marriage to meet these standards, and then grow resentful and discontent when real life just does not measure up.
Are you pressuring yourself and your husband to conform to unrealistic standards of a perfect marriage? Read these common myths and how to escape them and have a better relationship with that special someone.
Myth 1: We will do everything together.
Fact: You and your spouse are two unique individuals. While you may have some things in common, it is normal and healthy to have separate hobbies and activities. In fact, a little time spent apart can help put a little spice back into the relationship. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say – and there’s nothing sexier than a partner who respects your interests even if he or she doesn’t share them.
Compromise: Even if you don’t share your hobbies, make sure to set up a date once a week, and sit down for a 30-minute chat thrice a week to keep the fires burning.
Myth 2: You will always be intensely interested in me, and I in you.
Fact: Infatuation will eventually wear off, and you won’t feel compelled to spend every single minute of the day gushing over your partner’s brilliant brown eyes and apple lips. That’s actually a good thing; you don’t want to put him on a pedestal and put your own life on hold just to worship his presence.
Compromise: While you can expect the infatuation to wear off, take care not to take each other for granted. Treasure the moments you have together. Replace infatuation with genuine respect and gratitude.
Myth 3: There will be a lot of sex and warm physical closeness. Face it: sometimes you’re just too tired to have sex.
Fact: Don’t force yourself to have sex because it’s the “romantic” thing to do. Many happily married couples have whittled their lovemaking to twice a week – and less during particularly stressful time.
Compromise: Remember you have to be relaxed and energized to enjoy sex. If you’re not in the mood, then do something else together, like cuddle in bed or sit down for coffee and share each other’s day. If you noticed that you rarely have sex because of your schedules, then talk about what you can do to have a more romantic time.
Myth 4: The character defects I now see in you will disappear under the influence of my love.
Fact: Love is not blind, nor will it miraculously change basic flaws overnight. Remember that many issues are deep-rooted, and it will take a lot of time and patience to help each other address them.
Compromise: How do you know when to accept a behavior and when to see it as something that you both have to work on? You must make a distinction between a quirk and a problem.
Myth 5: The details of our living will fall naturally into place.
Fact: You cannot read each other’s minds. It will take time before you can create a routine that will address each other’s needs and expectations. While you thresh out both these small and major details in your life together, expect clashes.
Compromise: As you work out your differences, you need a lot of tolerance and negotiation. There are some things you will have to give up; but there are also some things that are too important for you to sacrifice and will have to negotiate for. This will take time. Be patient.